Day 14 - Alapuzha to Kochi including the long awaited and often blasphemed finish line! (60km)

The day broke with wretching coming from cabin 1. Concern turned to mutterings as to whether we would have to buy a new houseboat for our hosts after further investigation revealed a member of Tuk Norris had had a pretty horrible night - from both ends - and had left a bit of a mess in his wake.. All over the upper deck.

Breakfast was served and discussions about last nights events were pretty low key (besides the mess) as most of us were content to lick our wounds after a pretty heavy celebration of the past 2 weeks achievements..

After a very slow and quiet (bar the roar of our angry 2-stroke) return journey to Kochi we settled into our guesthouse (by far the best accommodation so far) and planned our assault to the finish.. Clad in our tailored Zebra suits, now more like dungarees on account of the stifling heat down here, we flew across the finish line to cheers, hugs, hooting and banter from other tukkers and organisers alike, all eager on sharing their tales of the past fortnights events!

Some of our favourite stories include: Three rolled tuks; many accidents with dogs, cows, people, bikes, and other tuks; a seriously lacerated arm; a septicemia from an untreated ankle abrasion; and a polish team driving the last 600km in the dark in order to finish on time!!

After the official handover of keys and stripping of our tuk we got stuck into a game of cricket with the locals in the town square (we were in Fort Kochi - an awesome old quarter of Kochi with loads of old historic buildings, restaurants, bars and guesthouses). We duly won with the most notable performances coming from Tuk Norris' Mike with the bat, and from both of our male contingent captaining and taking wickets respectively..

The official race after party almost didn't happen after initial eagerness and excitement at getting to the top level of the ferry almost caused us to capsize halfway across the harbour - however I imagine our driver could probably have capsized a lifeboat single-handedly - it seems licenses to navigate people carriers of all kinds are freely accessible to whoever shows the slightest interest!

A trophy, another great meal, too many Kingfishers and another ropy ferry trip back later, and we were all safely tucked into bed ready for our respective journeys home over the next few days...

Closing summary to follow…

Day 13 - Somewhere 240km from Kochi to Alapuzha (300km)

Positivity abound after a good nights sleep (the 5.30am wake up call from the mosque next door being the only blip) we found ourselves on relatively good roads with a bit of a deadline to meet up with Tuk Norris for a night on a houseboat.. Alapuzha is actually 60km past the finish line, but we decided that as we were being pretty negative about the whole roads/trucks/buses bit that we'd have to give them as much chance to redeem themselves as possible. So after a relatively trouble free trip (roof racks snapped again – same ordeal, only this time Shad had to actually hold them together while we dodged the now notorious trucks and busses for 20 min attempting to track down another Health and Safety fanatic - starting to think we've been a little top heavy all along now..), we ended up getting to the backwaters before Tuk Norris who were having a bit of a mare of their own.. As it turns out last night at about 10km from the finish line, amid much backslapping and revelry, their little old lady point blank refused to go any further. After various attempts to restart/push/kick the old heap, they were ably assisted by 6 local gentlemen to lift her off the road onto the pavement so as to investigate further. On assessment she was cold and apprehensive, but only once her back left had been removed was the scale of the damage revealed.. Tuk Norris had somehow managed to completely shear the wheel shaft (mechanics/engineers please feel free to correct my terminology) rendering any further progress impossible until the next day. So as it stands, every tuk coming over the bridge into the finish line will see their pink pack horse up on 2 wheels, abandoned and desperately in need of attention..

After settling in we waited over a couple of cold ones for their arrival. Once they arrived and regaled us with their previous night’s tale, we set off on the house bout for a well deserved rest!

Day 12 - Ullal Beach to (somewhere 315km from Ullal Beach)

The glass was pretty empty today. It seems increasingly like the only requirement for driving a bus or truck in India is to be brain-dead or as near to as possible. If someone wouldn't mind commenting on this post below and providing any stats for deaths/disabilities on Indian roads, it would be great. Amazingly enough we haven't actually seen a serious accident, but have seen a couple of trucks/buses on their sides/burnt out/smashed presumably due to some brain-dead decision like overtaking four other vehicles going uphill around a blind corner in the dark.

We also had more drama with the tuk - roof racks snapped when we hit a bump so we had to find a welder to remedy the situation...Easier said than done – in a land of 1 billion people, probably 500 million tuk-tuks, and 250 million mechanics, finding someone who could simply weld our old girl back together proved a real task in itself. Health and Safety are certainly not high on the priority list of the majority of mechanics/auto rickshaw repairmen.. Armed with little more than entry level 80's recreational swimming goggles, yet another incredibly generous and friendly local set to patching our old girl up..

8 hours, a whole lot of swearing and fistfuls of rage later, and we arrived at Naravinds Tourist Home. Empty promises of warm water and air-conditioning revealed we got half our room rate back and set out to find Al a sari. Our only success of the day came in the form of a rather fetching green and gold silk creation that cost 4 times the rate of our room..

We apologise to any bus/truck drivers and their loved ones for any offence or upset this post may have caused.

Day 11 - Goa to Ullal Beach (350km)

Started out positively today with an early start, great navigation, and a couple mid-drive jokes about driving on Indian roads with Tuk Norris... Until about 9am.. It seems Vilas 'the only mechanic in Goa who can fix auto-rickshaws' needs to go back to auto-rickshaw mechanic school. Half way up a hill we had a friendly man frantically waving for us to stop us he pulled up next to us, but being the slightly jaded and behind schedule team we are, we decided to decline what we thought was another generous impromptu photo-shoot opportunity in favour of actually getting to our destination.. How wrong we were. On his third blue-in-the-face attempt we vaguely heard 'OIIILLLLL!!!'..

So an hour and a half later, via various stops in small villiages, roadside garages, and way more mechanics than could actually help, we refilled the gear oil, and handilly plugged the gaping hole left by Vilas' lazy wizardry (he's not a real wizard). So as it stands we have a makeshift screw wrapped in threading tape shoved into the perinium of our old tuks engine - come on the adventure!

Approximately 668 near misses with trucks and buses later - very few our fault, there's very little regard for any semblance of etiquette on these roads - our headlights fell off. After again neglecting what we thought was a grainy nokia 6120 photo opportunity with a friendly chap on a bike, again the same result.. Fortunately the headlights weren't lost, they'd been caught on some of our garnish and were merely hanging on whilst being dragged next to our front wheel...

With light fading and blood pressure reaching dangerously high levels we happened upon Ullal Beach, a literal oasis after a pretty low day. After hot shower, room service beers and a candle lit dinner on the beach, we passed out to the soundtrack of Eddie Murphy's Dr Doolittle..

Days 8 to 10 - Goa

We sent Zebra in for a little service at the 'only' Rickshaw servicer in Goa..and then massive chill time for our selves and Tuk Norris.

The next 3 days followed a pattern of hot shower, beach, hot shower, beer, plates and plates of fresh seafood, beer, beach, massage, hot shower.. Pretty special to say the least - and more importantly, well deserved!

Day 8 - Khed to Goa

We woke with the sparrows to get to Goa as early as possible but our enthusiasm was soon jolted as we actually ended up waiting 40 minutes for the sun to rise. We had decided that it was far too dangerous to drive in the dark. The first 2 hours of the drive were adrenaline filled as there was a lot of mist on the mountainous roads and the Indian drivers have absolutely no regard for anyone else on the road. Think how frustrated and angry South African taxi drivers make you... Now multiply that by at least 1000 and you will have some sort of idea how every truck/bus/4x4/sedan/motorbike driver here would make you feel! Needless to say, there were a few close calls! It was another successful day for us as we covered approximately 350 km of beautiful Indian Coastal road. After another run in with a couple of less than subtle metro cops we pulled into Goa at about 4 pm, and checked into the beach resort, rustic wooden houses but clean with hot water and a western toilet, and went for an afternoon swim. We were so chuffed to eventually be in Goa and have the opportunity to take a dip in the warm Indian Ocean...

Day 7 - Mumbai to Khed

One of our most sucessful driving days so far, we covered some good ground, even if the day started out with a few hiccups.
Bumped into some fellow tuk tukers on the road who were heading to put their little chap on a train down to Goa  as she wasn't doing too much more than 20kms an hour. With renewed faith in our zebra we headed onto the express way to Goa...40 mins into our driving we were greeted with frantic waiving to pull over by a traffic officer who happily announced that no tuks tuks were allowed on the expressway and we must get off immediately, after a small fine... We looked ahead at the seemingly no exit highway in dismay, interesting.
Pedra, driver at the time, was hauled over the road to have a talking to by the more senior officer. After some scoulding and head wiggling Ped was given a 100 rupee fine (equivalent of £1, RMB 10, ZAR 15), which the junior officer keep insisting was 200 as soon as he was out of ear shot from his senior officer.
It's far more tropical now, with palm tree's and rice paddi's, looks a lot more like south east Asia now than the desert like north.
Today's drive took us through valleys and mountains and up to the top of a mountain (the konkan hills to be exact ) to Khed, the town is not so impressive but the scenery makes up for it, wedged between the valleys of rice paddi's.
Another great meal (wagers on weight loss may not be in for a hefty bill) and off to bed for an early start that should see us to Goa!